dogapult:

how come when someone decides to eat only fruits and vegetables people commend them for their “willpower” and “diligence” but when i decide to eat a diet composed entirely of mozzarella sticks and vodka suddenly i’m “out of control” and “putting myself in danger”

rodneykong:

shoutout to me for still not having my driver’s license

captn-bucky:

bellecosby:

I wonder how many stranger’s stories we make it into? You know, maybe someone saw you in passing and told their friends about how pretty the girl in the lavender sweater was. Or maybe they overheard you say a joke and repeated it to their friend, confessing that they heard it from some guy at the store. 

I think about this all the time

vaguelyjewish:

testoster0ne:

how do woman not orgasm when inserting tampons.

like isn’t just like having sex idgi?

This sounds like a Mitt Romney diary entry.